Published June 24th, 2021 by Hutchinson Heinmann
Thriller, Suspense, Crime Fiction, Mystery, Psychological Fiction
Welcome to my review for this extraordinary debut. Thank you to Tracy at Compulsive Readers Tours for the invitation to take part in the blog blast and to Hutchinson Heinmann for sending me a copy of the book in exchange for my honest review.
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ABOUT THE BOOK:
‘So that was all it took,’ I thought. ‘That was all it took for me to feel like I had all the power in the world. One morning, one moment, one yellow-haired boy. It wasn’t so much after all.’
Chrissie knows how to steal sweets from the shop without getting caught, the best hiding place for hide-and-seek, the perfect wall for handstands.
Now she has a new secret. It gives her a fizzing, sherbet feeling in her belly. She doesn’t get to feel power like this at home, where food is scarce and attention scarcer.
Fifteen years later, Julia is trying to mother her five-year-old daughter, Molly. She is always worried – about affording food and school shoes, about what the other mothers think of her. Most of all she worries that the social services are about to take Molly away.
That’s when the phone calls begin, which Julia is too afraid to answer, because it’s clear the caller knows the truth about what happened all those years ago.
And it’s time to face the truth: is forgiveness and redemption ever possible for someone who has killed?
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MY REVIEW:
‘So that was all it took,’ I thought. ‘That was all it took for me to feel like I had all the power in the world. One morning, one moment, one yellow-haired boy. It wasn’t so much after all.’
Eight-year-old Chrissie knows she’s a bad seed. After all, everyone is always telling her so. But now she has a secret no one else knows. Something that makes her feel powerful and gives her a fizzing, sherbert feeling in her belly: she’s the one who killed two-year-old Steven.
Fifteen years later, Julia is trying to be the best mother she can be to five-year-old Molly. Julia worries about everything. But most of all she worries that her past will return to haunt her and social services will take her daughter away.
“I killed a little boy today.”
When a book starts with a sentence like that it grabs your attention from the start. And this one never let me go. Profoundly dark, unsettling, harrowing and moving, The First Day of Spring is an extraordinary debut. Based on the real-life crimes of Mary Bell, a child convicted of killing two children in the sixties and was later released from prison with a new identity, Nancy Tucker skillfully explores the disturbing psyche of a child killer, asking if some people are born evil, and if forgiveness and redemption are ever possible for someone who kills. This deeply uncomfortable read is a story of murder, toxic families, neglect, poverty, trauma, and the shades of grey that exist between the black and white of morality. Tucker is an exceptional storyteller whose writing is compelling, perceptive, compassionate and menacing. Every word oozes darkness, malice, suffering, pain, and pent-up rage. But there is also helplessness, fragility, sadness and desperation woven in, creating a jarring contrast of emotions that will simultaneously send shivers down your spine and tug on your heart strings. This book broke me. I haven’t stopped thinking about it and I know it will stay with me forever.
“I liked it that way. It meant I got to be a killer but I also got days off from being a killer. Because being a killer was quite a tiring thing to be.”
Tucker has created a cast of seriously complex characters for this book. They are damaged people trying to survive their hard lives, often resorting to desperate measures, and remind us that no-one is ever all good or all bad. Chrissie is a character I will never forget. She has never known love or affection, she’s always hungry, her clothes are dirty and tatty, and no-one ever wants her around. She is all-too aware that her life is unfair and she’s seething about it. It makes her vindictive and she lashes out at other children, bullying them in an attempt to seize back some power and control. It was devastating to read and my heart broke for her. But, equally, being immersed inside young Chrissie’s mind was a chilling and disturbing experience, something which was enhanced by the juxtaposition of her angry, sinister thoughts and her childish innocence. To me, it felt obvious that her terrible actions were those of a desperate, lost and mixed-up child crying out for love and attention rather than someone who was evil. Though that doesn’t mean I don’t condemn her actions, because I do.
“Because any kid who stayed with me would grow up a jigsaw of rotted, crumbling parts.”
Julia is a very different character. Anxious, anguished and emotionally scarred, she’s haunted by guilt and feels undeserving of happiness. But, first and foremost, Julia is a mother who loves her daughter, Molly, so much that she hates being separated from her even while she’s at school. She’s determined to be a good mother even though she has no example from her own mother, who was neglectful, uninterested and abusive. I was proud of Julia for refusing to continue this cycle, as it would have been easy to be a bad mother and make excuses. Julia is a bundle of nerves and worries about everything from how she will afford tonight’s tea to if the school mums like her. But the thing she worries about most is losing custody of her daughter. My heart broke for her and I was rooting for her as she really was remorseful and trying her best.
“People kept forgetting me. It wasn’t good enough.”
Darkly atmospheric, intense, haunting, affecting and thought-provoking, this book left me speechless. I loved it but felt totally hollowed out once it was over. This is an easy five stars from me and I’m sure it will be in my top reads of the year. Highly recommended.
Rating: ✮✮✮✮✮
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Nancy Tucker was born and raised in West London. She spent most of her adolescence in and out of hospital suffering from anorexia nervosa. On leaving school, she wrote her first book, THE TIME IN BETWEEN (Icon, 2015) which explored her experience of eating disorders and recovery. Her second book, THAT WAS WHEN PEOPLE STARTED TO WORRY (Icon, 2018), looked more broadly at mental illness in young women.
Nancy recently graduated from Oxford University with a degree in Experimental Psychology. Since then she has worked in an inpatient psychiatric unit for children and adolescents and in adult mental health services. She now works as an assistant psychologist in an adult eating disorders service. The First Day of Spring is her first work of fiction.
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Thanks for reading, Bibliophiles xxxx
Emma's Biblio Treasures 